liberation of self
by
S.T. NOVA
If to be liberated, one must must first be unfree,
then liberation is a social interaction between at least two,
one that has oppressed and caged and marginalized and abandoned,
and one that has yearned and resisted and fought for liberation.
If this is true, then the liberation of self
must also require the interaction of at least two,
one version of myself that has oppressed and caged and marginalized and abandoned, and one version
of myself that has yearned and resisted and fought for liberation.
That’s a lot of energy to expend,
and wow,
the expenditure of that energy
has been generative and terrible and beautiful,
but
that energy has been directed toward power struggle,
and linear development.
What if that energy
was directed differently?
What if, instead of the energy being expended
trying to get the other myself
to listen to myself
(see how ridiculous this sounds?)
What if, both versions simply accepted
that each has power that is incommensurable,
a source of life and death and hope in its own way.
What kind of power would this be?
To receive power from another?
To recognize the power in my other?
Given without being earned –
I will trust my intuition, but
sounds too good to be true, but
to tell you the truth,
that would be a relief,
I’m a little weary
because all I want to hear is
That does feel right, though.
How could I possibly live my life
in a way that lets everyone know
“You are as safe as you are”
If I am still keeping a version of me caged?
I am worn down
I’m not really even interested
in having power over anyone, anymore.
from trying to earn the right
to hear this,
But I am not powerless,
don’t fucking forget.
I have c a r e fully picked apart
Until I hear
patterns that did not generate
“You are as safe as you are.”
I will never stop.
I can find beauty in the present
My determination is unmatched.
assemblage
of circumstances, people, and possibilities
(It has to be.)
(I have made this possible.)
(I will make this possible.)
I believe that anything, everything
can always be made better.
I trust the way that life flows
and I trust my path.
So yeah, that sounds cool,
but are you really sure
that’s for me?
That version of myself is exploitative.
She dismissed
others,
me,
created and recreated a hierarchy
and clawed to the top of it,
the whole time
never realizing
the violence of what she was doing.
But...
She told me that I have to
you’re right, Intuition,
BE SILENT AND HIDE
I can’t keep her caged.
which isn’t even fair
because we were me until she was her. What kind of abolition is that?
I suffered for her,
and then she mines my memories;
No one can ever deserve
to be unloved and uncared for.
she thinks she can extract them
and I will disappear,
How could that apply to everyone
but her?
but I won’t, I told you, I will never stop.
And really,
how could anyone’s
My determination is unmatched.
past self
I will keep demanding attention
be safe with me
and acting out
as they watch me hate my own?
Cage my own?
Dismiss and silence and try to disappear my own?
and struggling for power,
You’re right, Intuition,
I will deconstruct this hierarchy of self, too,
because
I just want her to listen.
We can’t continue in this way.
I am losing control
She does not need to fight for control anymore.
and if I am not safe with her
It is decided — I will make her safe with me.
I can’t be safe with anyone.
I will listen.
I just want her to remember
that we did this together.
It took both of us.
I need her to remember
that her pain
that it was me
that found a way to survive it.
is why I trust
that I won’t lose focus.
I need to remember
that my failures
paved the way for her.
that she has not failed me,
that she never really did.
That I am the one
that fought for her
to eventually be able to say
That liberation
starts between us two –
You are safe as you are.
There’s a power in that, for sure.
Determination and trust.
“Let it flow” and “I will never stop”.
What would it be like
to sit in that power,
together,
and let liberation radiate out from there?
QUOTE AS:
S.T. Nova. liberation of self. The Living Commons Collective Magazine. N.5, July 2026. p. 81-86
